Why I’m Blessed

When my husband and I got married, he taught at a private high school. I graduated from college right around September 11, 2001, and I had a lot of trouble finding a job. My mom kept telling me to go to the temp. agency, but I didn’t really understand what it was. So I just kept going at it on my own–trying to find someone who would at least interview me. Certain they could tell this straight-A student who was used to being busy and productive had lost all confidence in herself. We had about 7 deaths in our families that year, including my Grandpa’s death three days before our wedding. I had prayed every day for a year that he would be at my wedding.

I got depressed. I gained a lot of weight. I stayed in my pj’s most days and would wash the dishes when it was time for Xon to come home so I would feel like I had done something. We were able to live in a very nice apartment because we had gotten discounts for referring some friends.

Well, I eventually did go to the temp. agency, and they put me to work immediately. {Thank you, Judy’s Staffing Services!} I also got two part-time journalism jobs. The temp. agency wanted to hire me permanently, but by that point, we knew we were moving to Georgia so Xon could get his Ph.D., and I wanted to be honest with them about what our plans were.

When we were in Georgia, I worked full time, and Xon got a modest salary as a teaching assistant. We lived in a duplex for a while, and then were very fortunate to find a great foreclosure for sale right down the road. Because Hubby worked a good job during the summers, we were able to afford the fee to put in a bid. And we got the house! It wasn’t like the super-duper houses some of my friends were getting, but it was nice.

We paid our bills each month and even put some away for retirement, but we still lived paycheck-to-paycheck. I thought we didn’t make much money. Then we moved back to Kentucky when my husband was in the writing stage of his Ph.D. We lived with my parents. Xon couldn’t find a job, and we were determined that I would stay home with our new little munchkin.

Months later, Xon still couldn’t find a job. He got an odd job here or there, but nothing permanent. He sold insurance. He taught. He even got his CDL in case an opening with the railroad came up.

With a lot of help from my mom, he finished that Ph.D.! And got diagnosed with ADHD and started taking medicine which really helped. {Oh, how I wish we had started that MUCH sooner.}

Then he got a job as a bank teller and as a part-time pastor. We were on food stamps/WIC all through this time, and Xon kept looking for a more permanent job. I didn’t tell many people our situation. I applied to go to nursing school part time. I was originally going to apply for the spring, but amazingly got my prereqs done in time and asked if I could be a late applicant for the fall. They said sure, but they only had one space left. I found out a couple of days before classes started that I got that one spot, AND I was going to get to go for free! Mileage, books, uniforms, and everything paid. So we moved into this little cabin that my dad is building on his farm. I felt at home for the first time in my life. And our Kentucky salary made us look like we had been millionaires in Georgia. Wow, what I couldn’t do with that salary now.

I had signed up for Coupon Mom’s newsletter when I was in Georgia, but I didn’t understand what they were all talking about. Free Trident? Free toilet paper? How????? When Mom and I saw that Coupon Mom was going to be on Oprah, I thought, “I need to look back into that.” I did, and I have been seriously couponing ever since–and just living more simply and frugally in general. I built up a great stockpile, and we needed it. The bank told Xon one of his days off couldn’t be Sunday anymore, and since he would like to be a full-time pastor at some point, he felt the church had to be the priority. So he quit the bank.

And still couldn’t find a job. My sister kept saying, “There has to be a job out there somewhere for Xon.” My mom almost gave up hope, because she had already helped my brother-in-law finish up his Ph.D., and she was just tuckered out with people needing jobs. And my dad needing an unexpected quadruple bypass. Our church helped as much as they could.

With my nursing class and a toddler, I didn’t have time to think about it. I just kept getting up every day. Too exhausted emotionally (and physically and mentally) to pray. Hoping our stockpile would see us through. Tired of not being able to pay bills. Feeling burdened by student-loan debt. Turning 30 and feeling pressured to get settled already! Thinking surely someone with a B.A. and a Ph.D. could find a job somewhere. Feeling like I had paid my dues with the difficulty finding jobs back in 2001. Just putting one foot in front of the other.

I didn’t really doubt that God would take care of us (most of the time), but I wanted answers. I couldn’t see at all how it was going to play out. I still have some questions.

Two years later, Xon finally has a stable job. It’s not what we expected, but it’s a solid job with excellent benefits and people who will back him up. He likes it.

God has certainly brought us on a little journey. Our marriage has been tested. My faith has been tested. My whole view of life has changed. What I “deserve.” What I want. What I need. What I care about. In many ways, I feel we have gone about things backwards. From living in our own house and able to plant flowers and do various projects to make it our own, to living in a one-bedroom cabin that is not. yet. finished.

But I heard a quote when we were living at Mom’s and I was going to her church. The pastor said, “We put our faith in God, but it is up to God to prove Himself faithful.” Let me say that again.

We put our faith in God, but it is up to God to prove Himself faithful.

Isn’t that the truth? We don’t have to worry about whether or not God is going to do what He says He is going to do. That is up to Him to take care of. And He does.

I don’t enter giveaways very often because I usually have some on my own blog to take care of. But in the past couple of months, I have won a couple of Kroger gift cards that put us ahead on our grocery budget by over a week. That is huge to me. I won a Christian CD filled with music that speaks to my soul. I won a Target gift card at a time when I’m specifically collecting them so I can hopefully buy a mixer for myself as a graduation present in May. I won a one-day pass to Sam’s Club. I started a new blog that I love and have met some INCREDIBLE people in the process whom I consider dear friends. And because Xon didn’t have a job, he was able to watch our son during my class for my whole first year of nursing school. My clinicals for this semester suddenly got switched, so my dad is able to watch him.

These are little things to some people. But just like Jenny’s boots, they show me that God is there. He provides. And He’s been there during the past two years when we have looked and looked for answers and felt like door after door after door was slammed shut.

Those slammed doors brought us to this place.

And I am so thankful.

Now I am going to snuggle with my sweet child who has sparkling eyes, an uncontrollable laugh, and who gives me more hugs and kisses every day than I could ever count.

And feel blessed.